Relationship Advice for Men (Part 1)

There is this popular story about a certain “missing rib”, a story that is traceable to the Bible. The story tells us of how God saw that it wasn’t good for man to be alone, and then He caused Adam to fall into a deep sleep, took out one of his ribs and made a woman. So one very popular assumption is that the man has one missing rib that is lost, and he has the responsibility of finding her. Some have even joked: “Adam woke up and saw his missing rib standing beside him for free. But I have to go everywhere looking for mine… This is totally unfair; I didn’t even lose the rib out of carelessness. It was taken from me without my consent”. Hilarious! Another assumption is that since God took one rib from him, there is just one woman made for him. Finally, the last but not the least assumption is that God took the material He used to make the woman from Adam’s side because she is meant to be by his side, not on top and not beneath. Ok! It is time to address these assumptions.

Assumption 1: Missing rib

Dear brothers, I will like to inform you that your rib is not missing. According to research, ribs in humans have the regenerating power that causes a removed rib to regrow within months. So by implication it means that Adam’s rib grew back. Also, from biology we learnt that both males and females have 12 ribs! Sir, you were created with your complete ribs. So which other rib are you looking for?

Now that I have established that your rib is not missing and is not lost, what then are you supposed to be finding? Afterall the Bible says “He that finds a wife…”. Good question! Proverbs 18:22 (NLT) says: “the man who finds a wife finds a treasure…” Proverbs 31:10b gives us a treasure benchmark: “…for her worth is far above rubies”. The ruby is one of the most valuable and scarce natural gemstones in the world. Yet the Bible says that the woman you are finding is far more valuable and scarce than it.

Interestingly, dear brothers, on your treasure hunting journey some of you have found this precious gem but because the picture you have of her is that of the already processed and refined one in her full glory, you recognized her not. For some others, you did recognize her, you even picked her up with so much joy in your heart, blessing God, but in no time you discarded her because she was still in her raw, unpolished and uncarved form and you couldn’t deal with that.

Have you ever wondered why the latter part of Proverbs 18:22 (NLT) says: “…and he receives favor from the Lord”? Favor in Hebrew means delight, acceptance. It is tangible evidence that a person has the approval of the Lord. Also, it is important to note that favor and grace are closely associated words often used interchangeably in scriptures by different translations. Now we can paraphrase this scripture: the man who finds a wife, finds a treasure (whose worth is far above rubies), and he obtains delight, acceptance, approval, and grace from the Lord”. Why is grace given and what is it supposed to be used for? I believe strongly that the grace is given so that you can patiently explore the treasure that you have found; refine, polish and carve her into the woman she was ordained to be. After this is done, your treasure in all her glory begins to bring wealth and riches to you.

Amazingly, many have interpreted that scripture in terms of materiality. They believe that they can only obtain favor from God when they find a wife. So they are in such a hurry to get married and after marriage when things do not go as expected, they become aggressive and blame their misfortunes on their wives; they begin to think that they married wrongly because the right wife is supposed to bring them good luck and not ill luck.

Brothers please let this sink. You don’t need to be married to obtain God’s favor. You need to be righteous! Psalm 5:12 (AMP) says: “for You, O Lord, bless the righteous man [the one who is in right standing with You]; You surround him with favor as with a shield”. So if you are married but not in right standing with God, you shouldn’t dream of God’s favor (in terms of His blessings). Your wife is not your problem. You are your own problem!

Therefore, my dear handsome unmarried brothers, stop looking for your ‘unmissing’ rib it is right with you. Also, please realize that the favor you obtain from God when you find her (your treasure) is by no means material. Your focus should be on finding this treasure, hoping that you are able to identify her when you see her, and then you are able to put the grace of God to good use to bring out her true God given potentials.

Watch out for PART TWO!

I would love to read your views about this. So please feel free to drop a comment…

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